Summoner Geeks II by the Dead Ale Wives
by Toxic Dreams
Summary: i love this, and after listening to it a bunch, i typed it up to put on ff.net. R&R, and for the audio go to http://www.game-revolution.com/download/goodies/goodies-archive.htm and click the Summoner Geeks II link


The Dead Ale Wives "Summoner Geeks II"  
  
  
  
Disclaimer: I din't own D&D, AD&D, The Dead Ale Wives, fly by night, or  
mountain dew.  
anyone who thinks i do, shutup cuz u r delusional.  
  
  
  
  
  
Graham(furthermore known as DM): Golstaff, are you sure youve  
decided to haggle with the blacksmith?  
Scott(Golstaff):Yes, and I'm using my ring of charms which adds  
a +10 to all convincing rolls.  
DM: You dont have to remind me *rolls dice* you seem to have convinced  
the blacksmith to lower the price of the sword.  
Golstaff:ROCK&ROLL, I use the sword.  
DM:What do you mean you use the sword?  
Golstaff:I swing it around to see it its magical.  
DM:You can't tell if a sword is magical by swing it around  
its *snicker snort* not a *snort* lightsaber.  
Golstaff: Whatever. However, im supposed to find out if its magical.  
DM:Its called a detect magic spell.  
Golstaff:I didn't want to use that up.  
DM:We'll say you slept for 6 hours after you use it.  
Golstaff:Fine, detect magic.  
*pause*  
DM:Its not magic *snort*  
Golstaff:DUUUUUUUUUUUU*snort from DM*UUUUUUDE, he said it was a magical  
sword.  
DM: He was lying  
Golstaff:He said he never tells a lie  
DM:He was lying when he said that  
Golstaff:DDDDDDUUUUUUUUUUUDDDEEEEEE!!!!!  
Jeremy(Nightblade):HEY HEY HEY, look who brought the mountain dew!  
DM/Golstaff:YEAH RIGHT ON!  
Nightblade(high pitched singing): FLY BY NIGHT THE MOUNTAIN DEW  
DM:Golstaff (MOUNTAIN DEW FOR YOUUUUUU) as you are standing in the village  
road swinging a very un-magical sword in vain attempts  
(FLY BY NIGHT MOUNTAIN DEW!) you see the strangest sight. A halfling  
theif is wandering towards you singing fly by night.  
Golstaff:NIGHTBLADE  
Nightblade:Hey!  
DM:Nightblade the halfling theif, and he's carrying a 12-pack of mountain  
dew.  
Golstaff:NOOOOO WAY, his character is carrying mountain dew too?  
DM:if i roll a 10 or above then yes *rolls dice* *pause* 11  
All:AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH *snort from DM*  
DM: Here is your character nightblade, where is Picard the elven ranger?  
Nightblade:He's coming, and he's bringing his giiiirrrlllfriend.  
Golstaff:And your poooiiiint iiisss?  
Nightblade:Well she's gonna wanna play  
DM:She can play, anyone can play. We're a Brown Deer Highschool  
endorsed activity with membership open to the student body, i dont  
care if Greg Earthman wants to play if he brings his own dice. If  
Sarah Dohini wants to play ADVANCED dungeons and dragons, she can  
play Titania.  
Golstaff/Nightblade:ooooohhhh  
Nightblade:Isn't that your character?  
DM:Its not my character, Im the DM, sometimes i have to send NPCs to give you  
vital information.  
Nightblade: Yeah but it seems like you just end up talking  
through Titania  
DM:Well whatever, now we have a girl to play Titania.  
Mark(Picard):Hey guys whats up?  
Golstaff:Hey hey hey, Picard!  
Picard: Hey Sarah, do you know everyone here?  
Sarah(Titania):Im in biology with scott.  
Golstaff:GOLSTAFF!  
Titania:And you are...  
Golstaff:Thats nightblade  
Nightblade:Jeremy  
Picard:And Graham *DM*  
DM: Are you gonna play D&D with us?  
Titania:I dont really know the rules.  
All but titania laugh  
Picard:Listen, there are no rules;its a game of the imagination.  
Titania:Oh okay  
DM: This is your character sheet, your name is Titania  
Titania:I dont know what any of this means  
Picard:Ill help you  
Titania:OK  
DM:Well its way after 4:00 so can we get started  
All:sure yup uh-huh  
DM:Golstaff As you are chatting in the village road, Picard the elven ranger  
appears  
Picard:And Titania  
DM:No, she isn't there  
Titania:Where am i?  
DM:Titania you are in darkness  
Titania:Is there anything here?  
DM:You are in darkness  
Titania:Oh...well i turn on the light  
all but titania laugh  
DM:Thomas Edison appears before you and says "IDIOT, i haven't been  
born yet"  
Titania:Well i attack him with a...wtih my sword  
all but titania laugh  
Titania:What?  
Golstaff:He's not really there, thats DM magic  
Titania:WHAT?!  
Picard:Its a joke sarah  
Titania:Well i dont get it  
Picard:Come one Graham, you are confusing her!  
Nightblade:Im gonna go to the snack machine  
DM:Wait, youre in the village  
Nightblade:*from snack machine (it will be like that from now on) HEY  
i can still hear you, lets go to the tavern  
DM: Nightblade is wandering off to the tavern  
Picard:As usual, Nightblade always goes to the tavern  
Titania:So, am i stillin darkness?  
Picard:Maybe you should light a torch  
Nightblade:DOES ANYONE HAVE ANOTHER QUARTER??  
Titania:I light a torch  
DM:Very good, you are in a room. But no more helping  
Titania:Whats in the room?  
DM:Nothing  
Titania:I go to the door  
DM:There is no door  
Picard:Graham!  
DM:The characters were at a certain place at a certain time at the end  
of the last adventure, i cant put her on a fluffy *snort* cloud  
just cuz shes your girlfriend.  
Picard:Well where is she?  
DM:If you cant remember then your CHARACTER cant remember.  
Picard:Well my CHARACTER casts a locate person spell  
DM:*rolls dice* shes on the 5th sublevel of the Queen of Spiders dungeon,  
remember?  
Picard:Oh brother  
Nightblade:AM I AT THE TAVERN YET?  
DM:YES!  
Nightblade:DOES ANYONE HAVE ANTOHER QUARTER, OTHERWISE I GOTTA GET   
FUNIONS!  
Picard:Golstaff?  
Golstaff:Yes my friend of steady arrow and ready wit?  
Picard:We must rescue Titania!  
Golstaff:I will accompany you, if you kill the blacksmith the sold  
me this sword  
Titania:Yeah, kill the blacksmith that sounds fun  
DM:Dont kill the blacksmith, thats stupid  
Picard:So what, are we doing it wrong now? He told me to kill the   
blacksmith, i kill the blacksmith.  
DM:Your character wouldn't do that  
Picard:So what are you, an expert?  
DM:THE BLACKSMITH TURNS INTO A DRAGON AND EATS YOU!  
All but nightblade/DM *stunned silence*  
Nightblade:THE FUNIONS ARE STUCK IN THE MACHINE!!  
Titania:Im leaving, just a stupid dark room anyway  
Picard:Sarah wait dont go  
Titania:Call me later  
Picard:*morose*ok *angry* What the hell is your problem?  
DM:Whats yours?  
Picard:I dont know what youre talking about  
DM:YEAH RIGHT, dont get mad at me because your girlfriend didnt  
have a good time, for GOD'S SAKE the is ADVANCED Mark.  
Picard:Advance this  
DM:SHUTUP  
Picard:Oh thats real creative  
DM:Im not worried about my creativity Mark, im the DM. I control  
worlds...UNIVERSES. Every potion you drink, i mixed. Every magical  
item you find, I PUT TI THERE. Do you remember when you killed  
that hill giant?  
Picard:I rolled a 20, double damage  
DM:You rolled a 19 Mark, i budged it. That giant would have killed  
you, man. But i admired your spark. You wanted it so badly so i   
helped because i wanted to. and i help people when i want to. and  
right now youre roasting in the hot belly of a platinum dragon  
so you better ask yourself where your priorities lie.  
Picard:Are we still playing  
DM:Yeah  
Golstaff:In the case Golstaff casts a friendship spell on both  
of you.  
Nightblade:Friendship, what kind of gayness is that?  
Golstaff:Shutup, its not gay  
Nightblade:Im not gay, im at the tavern with wenches  
Golstaff:Yeah, male gay wenches.  
Nightblade:LIKE YOU  
DM:YOU GUYS SHUTUP! Titania appears  
Picard:Titania?  
DM:She says 'what'  
Picard:How did you get out of the dungeon?  
DM as Titania:I turned my bag of holding inside out, wrapped it  
around me and walked through the dungeon wall  
Picard:You can do that  
DM as Titania:Its all in the dice  
Picard:Well, lets go on an adventure  
DM:Shouldn't you get sarah?  
Picard:NO...you play Titania  
DM:Titania gives you a crystal, she says 'anytime you need me,  
you can use this'  
Nightblade:Um...are you guys being funny  
Golstaff:Ewwww  
  
  
  
  
THE END  
MWAHAHAHA  
BTW, IF YOU DONT REVIEW THEN MY SQUIRREL TOKENS WILL GET YOU  
GO MY SQUIRREL TOKENS, DESTROY THE NON-REVIEW...ISTS! 


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